I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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