Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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