I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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