You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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