Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
