haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
