make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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