I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
