I hate all girls vehemently.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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