Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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