It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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