I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize