so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
