Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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