Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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