I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
