Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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