Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
