dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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