we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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