Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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