is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
