I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
