no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
