Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
