I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
