She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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