It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
