Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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