dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
