I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
