Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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