? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Little spoons don't ask big questions
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
