After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
