Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
