I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
