Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
