i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
