I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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