I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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