Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
