Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
this is an emotional support booty call
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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