have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
