I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
