Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I deserve this hangover.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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