they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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