It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
