He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
