They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
