Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha