A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.