he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days