you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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