it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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