Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
