Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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