You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
