If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
