This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
