i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
