Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
