sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
