I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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