six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
