walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
