i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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