Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
