I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
